This is easily one of the funniest series of imagined drunk texts of famous authors created by Jesse Gaynor who "studies poetry and ill-advised text messages at the Iowa Writers’ Workshop." These are riot and I hope Jesse keeps them coming!
Here's my favorite from the first series: Wordsworth's Drunk Text:
And this bit of hilarity from the sequel series: Dahl's Drunk Text. (Though not to be missed -- Borges' text!)